1st time losing my hair: 2018:

Before I was diagnosed I never used to care what my hair looked like, I used to put it up in a pony tail or in a messy bun and leave it like it, sometimes I left it greasy for days, sometimes it used to get that's knotted and tangled that it would take me ages (hours) getting the knots out and some of that time I used to yank them out and didnt care on what the outcome. I used to wash my hair with shampoo only never conditioned it either. My hair used to be ever so long as I used to go like 5 years without going to a hair dressers. I never used to do nice things with my hair like put it in curls or even just wear it down unless it was a special occasion like a party or wedding where I might only straighten it but as soon as I was home it used to go straight up in my pony tail again.

When I was diagnosed with my leukaemia I asked the question is my hair going to fall out I was told " 2 weeks after my first lot of chemo I would definitely lose my hair, eye lashes, eye brows, etc".

So I had my chemotherapy and as my hair was so long I decided and spoke to my family about a "hair dresser coming to cut my hair into a Bob haircut (down to my shoulders)" as we thought then when it started to come out it wouldn't end up being so stressfull/bad. So mum arranged for a hair dresser to come up to the hospital (as I was admitted) to cut my hair to the Bob how I asked. We saved the length that she cut (a long length pony tail) so that we could send to the little princesses trust for them to make a wig out of it for someone.

When my hair started falling out the feeling isn't a feeling you'd expect it to feel like. You start having little strands of hair on your pillow when you wake up in the morning to it all coming out very quickly and fast in clumps. The feeling of having your hair coming out is like your hair being in a very tight pony tail and you've removed your hair bobble and it's that funny feeling where if you move your hair from the position it's in it hurts. The wind and if someone touched your hair or head by accident etc. All made that feeling/pain in your head and it was not one bit pleasant it was really painful. 

The day I lost all my hair in the morning I decided to get up and wash my hair in the shower as I was fed up with feeling like a melting animal with hair all over my clothes, bed, floor, chair, basically everything. I also thought that washing out the loose hair in the morning would make the day more bearable in the fact it might not fall out so much during the rest of the day. how wrong was I????................

I had a hair wash in the shower and all the loose hair was just continuously coming out, I even had my little pink comb pulling ridiculous amounts of hair off my hands as I looked like my hands were replaced with bear/lion hands as they were that hairy. After I felt like I'd finished washing my hair I turned the shower off and looked in the mirror and stood there and cried, all I could see around me one side of me was a bin loaded with so much of my hair and the other side of me I looked in the mirror i could see a old man with a few strands of hair looking back at me. As all I could see was a few strands of hair at the front of my head. (Please note I did still have quite a bit of hair still on my head) but it didn't make how I felt about what I could see staring back at me in the mirror any easier. I stood naked, crying my eyes out i rang my bathroom nurse call bell, 3 nurses came in ones response was "tiffany let's get you some clothes on". The other 2 were just quiet, I sobbed "it's all fell out, it's all fell out!!", the nurses reassured me that I still had alot of hair still on my head but I still felt awful. One nurse changed my bin so anytime I went to put anything in it I wouldn't have the reminder of all my loose hair sat there. I got dry and put my clothes on with the help from a nurse as I was getting very cold at this point. I dryed my hair the best I could (as more hair was coming out), the nurses then all gave me a cuddle to calm me down. Another loverly nurse went to the Big C centre on the hospital site and got me a hat to put on my head that once she put it on my head I wouldn't take off for ages. I rang my mum straight away after getting dressed and sobbed about losing my hair again. My mum then once she got of the phone after reassuring me she rang my nan (who was making my bandana's) and was like "I'm coming over and I need at least 2 bandana's". Once mum had been to collect my newly made emergency bandana's mum came up the hospital with them. My hair looked knotted under the hat I had on my head so I said to mum "I'd attempt to brush it" so I got my little pink comb and attempted to brush it. More of my hair came out. I said to mum "I'm not touching it anymore". We decided to go to the pod (a cafe at the hospital) to have a naughty hot chocolate (had squirt cream and marshmallows on and chocolate dusting) whilst we were in the pod I decided after talking to mum about it that when we got on the ward I would 'brave the shave' and have the rest of my hair shaved off. Mum rang my dad to tell him and he said that if he had known he would of come up to the hospital and shaved it off earlier, I asked him if he would come and do it if mum comed and picked him up, he agreed. So when we got back on the ward mum went home to collect dad from home who had prepared his hair clippers ready to bring up to the hospital, mum and dad came back and 2 of my friends were visiting me, one of my friends said "that when I was shaving my hair off she would shave hers off one last time". My other friend shaved my friends hair off first then dad shaved mine off. Dad was saying "that the clippers were hardly cutting my hair as it was that loose it was just coming out on its own". Once I was bald I felt so much better like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I said "now I can feel like now my hair is gone I can fell like I can now face the next thing without having to get upset about losing my last strands of hair". I honestly felt so much better once it was off. 

As for my eye brows and eye lashes....... they stayed and didn't ever budge, I never lost them still to this day 1/12/19 I stil have my original ones. 

(I did loose my leg hair, private/pubic hair, and armpit hair etc).